My son Ryan is 17 years old and has recently decided that he is a “grown man.” Which basically means he wants to do what he wants, when he wants, with no rules—and with his parents’ money.

He wants the “perks” of being an adult, but none of the responsibility (bringing in an income, taking care of bills, paying taxes, etc.)

Ryan and I have had a few, ahem, heated discussions recently about what it actually means to be a “grown man.”

My experiences with Ry have shone a light on something I hadn’t really thought about before.

So many of us—men and women of all ages, including many of my clients, and including myself at times—are still acting like teenagers.

So many of us want rewards—with no effort.

We want things fast, free, hot, ready, instantly, or preferably: yesterday.

We want the freedom of being self-employed, for example, but none of the responsibility, time investment, or financial, creative, and emotional risk.

We want all the perks—and none of the work.

And obviously, that’s just not how the world works.

Do an exercise along with me. Right now, consider something that you want very badly.

Like… More money in your bank account. Strong, toned legs that can carry you across a half-marathon finish line. A completed book manuscript. A sold-out seminar. Forty clients on your waiting list, eager to hire you.

Write down what you crave.

Then ask yourself, very honestly,

“Am I really giving this goal my best effort—or am I being a ‘teenager’ about it?”

We all have “teenager” moments from time to time. It happens. If you discover that you’ve been expecting huge rewards—while being unwilling to make any kind of serious effort, or take any kind of significant risk—explore that. Dig deeper. What’s that all about? What are so afraid of? What’s getting in the way of really trying?

My highest hope is that—someday soon, with my guidance, and because of his own personal experiences with this thing called “life”—my son Ryan will realize that life’s most delicious rewards (pride in your work, confidence in your abilities, the freedom to set your own hours) are qualities that have to be earned.

The next time you feel like moping through your day because your to-do list feels scary, unmanageable, or overwhelming, here’s my advice:

Politely ask your inner teenager to step aside so that your inner grown-ass woman can take command—and get shit done.

Yes, you can have all the perks that you crave—and then some.

But first? Put in the werk.

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