In today’s edition of “people who talk sh*t about me” – ha! – a woman commented on my social media proudly boasting that she was a feminist… and then proceeded to call me a “hooker” for showing my cleavage.
Y’all, did I miss a memo? Does feminism equal boob phobia? Also pretty sure feminists don’t shame sex work either.
I joke, but people often ask me how I’m able to shut down the haters and stop worrying about what other people think of me.
I’ve got two survival techniques.
First, a person’s opinion of me… is none of my business. Plain and simple.
If someone is going to judge me on my dress, my makeup, my hair, my shoes, my house, my garden (gasp!), or my boobs – that’s all THEIR BUSINESS.
I do not need to worry my head for a second about their thoughts & opinions. If I’m living rent-free in their mind, so be it. I’ll be over here living my life like no one’s business. 😉
Second, I accept that I can’t control what other people think of me.
This is an important concept in people-pleasing – releasing the need to be liked by other people and the desire to control their opinion and experience of you. When you cling to this control, you are sanitizing your true self, and keeping yourself distracted from the things that really matter. Exactly what the patriarchy wants!
This may sound counterintuitive. People-pleasing is about being “nice” or “thoughtful” – not a controlling maniac! It really boils down to your intention. Are you being nice and thoughtful because you’re craving their validation? Are you minimizing our hiding a part of yourself to become more “likable” in their presence?
In the past, I was desperate to control what other people thought of me – leading to many years of hiding, staying quiet, and following the status quo.
I hid my political beliefs because I was afraid of losing loved ones.
I was too afraid to stand up and make a scene when I witnessed injustices because I didn’t want to ruffle feathers.
My needs were stuffed into a corner as I took care of everyone else – volunteering to do things I didn’t want to do and taking on a hefty invisible workload.
And I certainly didn’t wear Gucci dresses with a healthy amount of cleavage because I feared that someone would say exactly what that woman just said about me.
Let me tell you, no one else’s opinion or experience of you is worth hiding and not living fully.
We’ve got to ruffle all the feathers, and if people don’t like it – that’s none of our business what they think.
Are you holding back or pretending to be someone you’re not—bartering your own beliefs just so other people will like you?
Be yourself. Show up fully and authentically. Because you’re worth it.
Let ‘em talk. The best way to shut down the haters is just to be you, booberry.