Susan Hyatt (00:00):
Is there something you wish you had the nerve to do? Welcome to, you've Got Nerve, the podcast that teaches you how to conquer your fears, upgrade your mindset, and get up the nerve to go after whatever you want. If you wish you had the guts to go all in on your goals, dreams, and desires, this show is for you. I'm Master certified life coach Susan Hyatt, and I am so excited for you to join me on this journey.
In today's episode, Helen Jane Grok joins me. She's a university for life coach, training certified life coach based out of Montreal, Quebec, who works with people to pursue and claim big goals through a foundational mindset based on worthiness and the knowledge that everyone already deserves to live their best life. Helen's journey began with body image issues and with time she realized that it was about much more than that. Once she understood her intrinsic worth and decided to base her decisions and actions on positive self-talk, everything in her life changed. And she's now on a mission to be a warrior of worthiness for all who need it. In this episode, Helen and I discuss self-care strategies to help you get more of what you want. Creating a morning routine that's rooted in real self-care, why the no cell phone in the bedroom rule changed her life. Getting the reminders you need to not mess with your routine and how to reframe what you deserve. And you're gonna wanna wait till the very last couple of moments to hear the big aha moment that Helen Jane experienced. Enjoy this mind expanding self-care filled conversation with Helen Jane, welcome to the podcast Helen Jane.
Helene-Jane Groarke (01:55):
Thank you season. It's so fun to be here.
Susan Hyatt (01:58):
Well, listen, y'all may not know this, but Helen Jane, um, lives, she's like our Canadian neighbor that lives above the meth lab that is the United States of America. <laugh>. So where are you in Canada?
Helene-Jane Groarke (02:14):
I'm in Montreal.
Susan Hyatt (02:17):
Montreal my favorite. And so we are talking about getting up the nerve to practice actual self-care, um, which might look a little different than just taking a bubble bath. I hear, I hear it from
Helene-Jane Groarke (02:34):
<laugh>. Yes, exactly. I just like, I like how you talk about self-care and how even your friends are like Susan, like puts self-care first, but like self-care for you means more than just like the easy stuff, I think. Yeah. Or maybe now it feels easy for you, but you know that, so one of the things that you know, but um, just to let people know is like, I'm really getting into, back to getting into routines. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So both evening and now morning routines. I have a one-year-old, so routines went out the window for a year. <laugh>. Yeah. Wow. Which is fine.
Susan Hyatt (03:08):
<laugh>, right? It's fine. Everything's fine. Yeah.
Helene-Jane Groarke (03:12):
<laugh>. But I mean, I see like you, you, you had babies. It's been a while. Maybe you don't remember as much, but there are no routines that are possible like for a while at first. So I kind of lost that muscle.
Susan Hyatt (03:22):
Right? Right. And so something that, um, Helen was saying, uh, when we were coaching, maybe it was a mastermind call or I think it was a mastermind call, um, that really struck me was often to create a self-care routine that really matters and that's sustainable and that actually creates change for you, right. Because we can all, we can all go get manicures, but that's not really self-care. Yeah, exactly. Um, I consider that maintenance and a giant pain in my ass. And hence I have broken nails right now because, and y'all listen, don't comfort me about this. I cannot stand sitting there. I love the result of beautiful nails. I hate sitting there. Um, anyway, same with my eyebrows. Same with all that shit. That's not self-care. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about doing things that are gonna help you get what you want in life internally and externally. And what often happens when you create actual self-care, morning and evening routines and rituals that help really change your life is that the, an identity change has to shift and happen for that to become a reality. So something that was fun catching all of you listeners up was to hear Helen Jane talk about how her, her identity as a new mom, um, as an entrepreneur, like things have had to change from what to what Helen Jane,
Helene-Jane Groarke (05:00):
Right? Yeah. And it's like that's the, the hard thing with, with change because Yes. So I started the business full-time in my coaching business in November. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So prior to that I had, well, I had a nine to five job, and then I was on mat leave for nine months because Thank you Canada for mat leave. <laugh>, um, sorry.
Susan Hyatt (05:21):
I mean I could do a whole bunch of podcast episodes of I know
Helene-Jane Groarke (05:25):
Insurance in the United, um, so there was that, that changed too. And then yes, having the baby, and again, the first six months are just, you know, survival of, of, it's our first also. So it's, we have no idea what we're doing and everything. Um, so, and then November happened with me going full-time officially with my business. And now I realize that I, I need to implement routines and I thought I was good at them, but then I realized that like having a nine to five actually was helpful, right? Whereas now it's my own business. I, and when you're starting, like you do feel like you have a lot of time on your hands,
Susan Hyatt (06:02):
Helene-Jane Groarke (06:03):
And so it's kind of trying to figure out, you know, work hours and then sticking to those work hours. And then same thing with like with the baby. Now she's at a point where I'm like, I can't, like, it was a reason to not have a routine. Now it's an excuse and I think there is a difference mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but I'm coming to a point where I'm like, I can't do this for the next four years when she's like, she needs me all the time, like when we're at home, right? Like, it's normal, but this is now becoming, I don't want this to be the pattern of my life for the next four years cuz I'm gonna burn out. I know it. And so I'm trying to prevent it and that's why like we're working together on that because it was a real reason. But now it's becoming kind of the excuse because she's in daycare now. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> sometimes she's sick. And again, I usually love the winter, but this year the cold season has been like nonstop. And so when she's home, it's like more on me to take care of her because my husband still has a nine to five mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so that's fine. But she's not always home now, so I need to stop saying that it's because of her that like stuff isn't moving in my business.
Susan Hyatt (07:08):
Helene-Jane Groarke (07:09):
And so, yeah. And like you said, it's a shift in identity because then it's like, well, she wakes up at six 30 in the morning. Um, so I need to adapt in a way to her right though. So like that means I need to wake up earlier than six 30 in order to do my own thing for a little bit and be in my own bubble and like do, like you said, real self-care. I love getting my nails done, but I know what you mean. Like, I, I get it that it's not the same thing's
Susan Hyatt (07:33):
Fill in the blank of like whatever.
Helene-Jane Groarke (07:34):
Susan Hyatt (07:35):
It's just people like that you don't
Helene-Jane Groarke (07:37):
Yeah, exactly. But, um, I like when they
Susan Hyatt (07:40):
Massage, I like when they massage my legs during the pedicure, but that's
Helene-Jane Groarke (07:43):
Not, oh, pedicures are actually more, even more self-care than the hands I think because they're just, like you said, that was like, oh, it feels so good. But anyways, so it's either that and then the same thing is like, I need to learn to go to bed earlier because she's up at six 30, no matter what time I went to bed.
Susan Hyatt (08:02):
Well, I mean, listen, I need to record for, um, all my clients like phones or alarm clocks. Robert Hartwell says he wishes he had a, like one of those buttons he could push with me saying, take your ass to bed and get your ass outta bed. Yes. Like literally most of entrepreneurial problems could be solved if you took your As to bed <laugh> and you got yourself outta bed. Um, like it's, I'm oversimplifying things obviously, but I mean pretty Right. It really is the, um, creating the habit of understanding. It's really understanding what, right. She is a part of your family <laugh>, right? This is a new normal that another human being lives in this house and wakes up at six 30. Therefore, um, it is then what are the conditions I need to thrive as a, as a mom and an entrepreneur? And that will involve deciding how much sleep do I need, how do I manage my own energy?
And you know, some people require more sleep than others. Some people, um, thrive better, you know, their energy is higher in the evening versus the morning vice. You know, we could argue about that all day long. Yes. Um, but whatever, whenever your energy is the highest and however much sleep you need, take your ass a bit. So Yes. Um, and get to ass up. So, um, I mean, you know, one of the first things that I work with entrepreneurial clients on is like, okay, what are your business hours? Yeah. Um, gonna be, and then let's create rituals and systems, personal rituals and systems around that so that you're bringing to those hours, um, as much output, um, as you can so that you don't burn out. So that you don't find yourself like, oh my God, my kid's entering kindergarten and now I'm too exhausted to run this business anymore. Mm-hmm.
Helene-Jane Groarke (10:11):
Susan Hyatt (10:13):
So my question is, what do you notice has been your biggest mental obstacle with going to bed?
Helene-Jane Groarke (10:21):
Um, so I think, I mean I have like, uh, you know this, but I've, uh, done like a strict no cell phone in the bedroom mm-hmm. <affirmative> rule, which has already changed my life a lot. Yes.
Susan Hyatt (10:33):
Yeah. That's newer. So for those of you listening, that was the first thing that Helen did was she decided after 7:30 PM no cell phone in the bedroom. Yeah. Which is epic. Okay, carry on.
Helene-Jane Groarke (10:43):
Because, and like, just to explain to people, because I, what I realized, I noticed when we were starting to talk about it was that the hard part was pressing stop on that button because I would use my phone in my bed to either scroll, but not even really, it was really watching tv. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and so by not having my phone in the bedroom, I watch TV either more in the kitchen or downstairs in the living room. And it's much easier to be like, oh, it's eight 30, I'm gonna turn this off and go to bed rather than when you're in bed, it feels like time does not exist
Susan Hyatt (11:19):
Helene-Jane Groarke (11:19):
So it's like, is it eight 30? Is it midnight? I don't know. I'm in bed. I'm in my pajamas. It all feels like the same. So that's why I put that rule, uh, there was, because I'm just like, and watching TV wakes wakes me up, so it's not helpful in any way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, so that's what I started by doing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I think the hardest thing is like a lot of parents and even people who have like, just like nine to five jobs is I feel like I'm missing out during the day and I somehow have to catch up everything of life <laugh> between seven and when I go to bed, <laugh>.
Susan Hyatt (11:57):
Ah, right. Revenge night owl syndrome.
Helene-Jane Groarke (12:01):
Yes, exactly. I'm like, I haven't had time. And even if I did have time during the day, because like Kathleen is still at an age where like we, like feeding is, you know, can be a challenge sometimes. And everything is about, about her between five and seven mm-hmm. <affirmative> that when seven arrives, I'm like, oh my God, I feel like I've done nothing else and I have worked during the day or napped. It depends.
Susan Hyatt (12:23):
<laugh>. So then seven when you talk about that, I know.
Helene-Jane Groarke (12:27):
And then seven arrives and I'm just like, I need to catch up on everything. But also I know I'm overstimulated so I kind of shut down mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And to shut down means watching a stupid thing online just to like not have to feel my own emotions and my own things. Just, you know, do you know what I mean?
Susan Hyatt (12:46):
I do know what you mean. I have, listen, I have been there as a mother, I have blogged and podcasted about this. Like, it is a very real phenomenon. And I know anyone listening who is a parent at some point in their parenting journey, if not currently, um, feel like, listen, when I get these mofos to bed, I'm going to eat what I want. I'm gonna watch what I want. Everybody no one touched me. Yeah. Um, no one look at me and I'm just gonna be in my own space. But the the fun thing that can happen, but as you know, what ends up happening, not the fun part, I'll get to that is that then you stay up too late. Yes. Um, and you, you're not feeling your feelings or acknowledging like what's real for you. And then the next morning you're either hitting the snooze button, oversleeping, you wake up feeling like a mess, and then that domino effect, it just keeps going.
It's just this vicious cycle of revenge night, oling and beyond the all kinds of revenge behaviors happen, right. Like napping in the middle of the day instead of working during your business hours and, you know, all kinds of things. And I, I certainly lived that. Um, never the napping though. I was in real estate, so I was doing the opposite. I was overwork. Um, but the the fun thing that can happen, what, what I was gonna say is that if you can start to promise yourself and keep the promise that no, no, no, no, this is gonna ultimately help. I'm gonna have this time. It doesn't have to come from a place of like revenge or this is mine now. Um, but that I'm gonna do what I need to do for myself so that then it becomes the early morning, um, that you claim that time instead of like, flopping around at night with all kinds of behaviors, you know, that you don't wanna have. And so as a former night owl <laugh>, like people think I just came out of the freaking womb enjoying watching the sunrise, y'all, I if left to my own devices. I mean, my natural proclivity is to be, or used to be to be a night owl and like watch midnight shows and snack all night and you know, whatever. But the truth of the matter is for my own survival and sanity, right where you are. How old are you, Helen Jane? 30?
Helene-Jane Groarke (15:22):
I'm not sure. I think I'm 31. I know. Okay. Should know my <laugh>.
Susan Hyatt (15:25):
I don't know my own
Helene-Jane Groarke (15:26):
Age, but I think I'm 31.
Susan Hyatt (15:29):
I okay. I I was a little bit older than you when I figured this out. I was 30, let me think about this. Maybe I was 34 when I finally surrendered to the realization that I w things were not getting better by staying up all night and hitting this snooze button a million times. Things were in fact getting worse. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so, um, I started just setting my alarm clock back practically like five minutes at a time. And, and then, you know, eventually I started to have the experience that like, wow, okay, this morning time, like you said is a bubble. I'm, I'm having coffee, it's quiet, my mind is clear. Um, and I started to notice that the rest of my day just went so much better. But it's, in the beginning it's getting up the nerve to become, cuz I've seen your rants online. Um, to become a person who is an early bird. What does that mean for you to become that kind of person?
Helene-Jane Groarke (16:42):
Yeah. And you know, the funny thing Susan, is I am naturally an early bird.
Susan Hyatt (16:47):
Oh. So now you're just railing against your own natural.
Helene-Jane Groarke (16:52):
I don't know how it changed. Cause I did my whole master's waking up at like five o'clock being in the library at Concordia, which I know, you know, cuz Yeah. Brian went there. Yeah. Um, like being in the library that early because you and you know why also, well, I mean I was like that always, but especially during that time because nobody's there. And it was like the time, like Facebook was a, was a thing at that point. And I noticed that between like five o'clock and 10 o'clock, nobody at least of my, my generation and age would be posting anything new. So I was like, well this is useless to keep refreshing. Like there was an Instagram did not exist and so it was like, you know, I was like, this is the perfect time. And mentally it was a great time for me to, to write my, my whole thesis <laugh>. But I don't know like what happened since, since then, you know, that. And then, so I think I wanna reclaim that. And I think to me actually being an early bird means going to bed early first.
Susan Hyatt (17:53):
Yeah. Yeah. It's not staying up all night and then getting up Yeah.
Helene-Jane Groarke (17:57):
Early because cuz that's like actually something I tried
Susan Hyatt (18:01):
Helene-Jane Groarke (18:01):
And yeah, after three days cuz people are, oh, if you wake up early, you'll be tired, you'll go to bed. And I was like, no, that's not what, that's no longer true. Maybe one day once it was, but I'm like, that's not true. I'm still like, because my brain is still in the same place at seven 30 being like, let's like just be online and, you know, whatever. So for me it actually means like making sure my evening routine, um, exists but is respected.
Susan Hyatt (18:30):
Mm-hmm. And what, so let's talk about your evening routine because I do think that that sets you up for a, a beautiful morning experience so that you're not I'm always irritated with myself when I don't do my evening routine and then my morning time is taken up with all the stuff I could have done the night before just to let myself have that free time. So what's, what's working for you right now with an evening routine?
Helene-Jane Groarke (18:55):
So I've, I've been consistently washing my face, which maybe for some people it's normal. I was, I'm really bad at it. I wash my face in the morning but in, not in the evening. Mm-hmm.
Susan Hyatt (19:05):
Helene-Jane Groarke (19:06):
I, I used to
Susan Hyatt (19:07):
Be, listen, you're right on time for this cuz at your age I did not wash my face <laugh> and my mother would like try to scare me with wrinkle stories. Oh. And you know, that's a whole nother mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But anyway. Okay. Watching your face
Helene-Jane Groarke (19:22):
<laugh>. Yeah. Like my skincare routine basically that I do, that I've been doing every morning, but I haven't been doing in the evening. So I'm forced. And you're so right. Cuz the next morning if I don't do it, like it's again, it's winter here full on. It's not spring. Okay. It's like full on winter. I have like 12 feet of snow in front of my house right now. Wow. My skin is super dry in the morning because it's dry and like the heat, heat has been going all night. Right. For our house. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Uh, and I really feel the difference, but, so like why can't I like stick to it as much? Like skincare is. Okay. So, but let's say like, the next thing I like to do is read. It has to be, I have like very specific, like more spiritual based books because if it's a thriller, I'm gonna read until three to know the end, you know, like it can't be. Yeah. And even self-help books, like coaching books, I can't, cuz then I get too excited about like taking notes and like, oh, I get inspired
Susan Hyatt (20:15):
<laugh>. Right, right. No, I'm with you. <laugh>. Yeah.
Helene-Jane Groarke (20:18):
So it's like, this needs to be very specific. Um, but so, so skincare I've been doing, but the reading, sometimes it's a little too late and I'm like, oh no, I don't know if I, I'm gonna skip the reading and just like, try and, and fall asleep. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, to have that 10 minutes extra doing something that like, I don't even know what I'm doing during those 10 minutes that I could be, that I could be reading. So that's the one that right now I'm struggling with implementing.
Susan Hyatt (20:43):
Hmm. So do you, so you're saying, um, you want to read something for 10 minutes, but you're just choosing to go right to sleep?
Helene-Jane Groarke (20:52):
Well, I'm not, the thing is I don't actually go to sleep.
Susan Hyatt (20:55):
Helene-Jane Groarke (20:55):
So the reading helps me calm down and like refocus. But sometimes I'm like, oh no. Like let's say, you know, I wanna go to bed around nine, like, not sleep, but like go be in bed by nine. So my skincare routine done and then like, reading at nine and sometimes I'm like, mom, I'm gonna like go until 10 and then I'll be like, pre pretend I'm gonna be just like, crash into bed.
Susan Hyatt (21:19):
Helene-Jane Groarke (21:20):
But then the next day,
Susan Hyatt (21:21):
Helene-Jane Groarke (21:22):
Wake up and I don't feel refreshed. It's such a difference. And then why, why can't I do it all the
Susan Hyatt (21:27):
Time? Well, I have a hunch. Um, uh, and, and this is, I think this is true for all of us. Uh, uh, because we lie ourselves, we fucking lie to ourselves that we can just crash into bed and everything's gonna be fine. And so instead of like, oh, it's fine, I'm gonna spend another hour doing this. What do you need to tell yourself to be like the equivalent of take your ass bet, you know? No,
Helene-Jane Groarke (21:59):
What do I need to tell myself?
Like that? I don't know if it, is it too vague to be just like, tomorrow mornings, Helen, thank you so much for going to bed earlier. And or like, we'll feel more something about also feeling more refreshed. Cuz I've seen the difference between when I take the time and I wake up at six and I have no problem waking up at six. Cuz I'm like, ah, like I feel good. Okay. Like, let's do this. And I start my day very quietly. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I don't work out in the morning. That's not my, uh, like, that's a French word. My goal, it's not my goal because not my objective doesn't work. Um, but that's not my goal in the mornings because like, the minute like Kay is up like Frank, like, uh, my husband is the one that dresses her. But after, you know, when you have a baby, it's like, go, go, go. Right. So what I'm missing right now is quiet time. Hmm. Um, so something about like yeah. Feeling refreshed and enjoying my quiet time. Yeah.
Susan Hyatt (22:56):
Well, and I think, and I, I refer to these as back pocket thoughts. Like, like if you had a piece of paper in your back pocket with like your top five performing, uh, replacement thoughts, you can some, some warnings, your go-to thoughts not gonna work. And so if you have a couple of different ones you can try out. So for me, um, the, the ref focusing on how you're gonna feel is a good one. Um, I typically will, um, in the morning if, uh, for example, one of my go-to thoughts is you're gonna feel so proud of yourself Mm. If
Helene-Jane Groarke (23:35):
Susan Hyatt (23:35):
Just get up and do it. Um, or the opposite. Like, you always are irritated with yourself when you don't get up and do it. You know? So it's like, it depends on my mood. Which one? Another one, um, that you could use in the evening with skincare in the morning I'll say like, just get up and get your shoes on. And if you're still like, fill in the blank of the excuse too tired, you're sick. Like my mind will be like, oh, I think you have covid. Oh, um, your knee is just too sore. Or like, whatever, all this crazy stuff. I'll tell myself when I'm doing that, I'll say, just get up and get dressed and get your shoes on. And then if that's really true, you'll know and you can come right back to bed. And if I get up and get dressed, I'm gonna do, you know, I'm gonna get out the door.
So for evening, it could be a similar strategy where it's like, just go wash your face and do your skincare and if you wanna come back and look at whatever it is, you obviously can. But I think once you get into your evening routine, um, you'll be like, it's, it's the getting up part. Yeah. Either to go to bed or to get out of bed. That can be the real hurdle. So coming up with how you're gonna, thoughts around how you're gonna feel, which is refreshed, um, or proud or whatever. Motivated. Inspired. And then, um, for me it's like I have so much experience of doing it in a way that I'm proud and doing it in a way that I'm irritated with myself. And so I'll remind myself of that.
Helene-Jane Groarke (25:20):
I love that.
Susan Hyatt (25:20):
Or I will also play through. Okay. So if you don't, then remember how, like this morning for example, although I needed to have a really emotional conversation with Scott Hyatt, um, and so I didn't go on my run so I could have this really important conversation with him, um, which was totally worth it. But I knew, I was like, but if you don't go on your run, you know you're gonna have to do it in the afternoon, which you don't like. And so I chose to have the conversation, but I'm still like, I'm looking at my calendar or my schedule today and I'm like, I'm not gonna do this to myself again. Like sometimes we have to experience that contrast Yeah. To be like, oh, right, that's the reminder I needed that I really shouldn't f with my routine.
Helene-Jane Groarke (26:12):
Yeah. I love that. I've been doing that too with like, with alcohol mm-hmm. <affirmative> just like I no longer drink during the week. Yeah. I mean if there's, you know, an exception of like going to a restaurant and like, because I enjoy the taste of it mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you know, we make our own beer and stuff like this is something that, that we really like, but I was just noticing that I would wake up, uh, feeling just a little more tired. And again, it actually started with my skin being drier mm-hmm. <affirmative> because alcohol dries, dries you up. Like it's a, yeah. So I started doing that and you're read that it was harder at first and I slip up sometimes and I think maybe like writing a letter to myself of like, the morning after when I like, I was like, listen, I'm feeling really tired right now and you know, um, like I'll be able to go through my D day, but like I can feel it like at the front of my forehead that it wasn't great and stuff. Whereas, so maybe like that's also a thing I, I should do, like of writing a letter and then reading that before. So now when I feel like, oh, maybe I should have a glass of wine tonight, I'll read it and I'll be like, is it worth it or not? And sometimes it is, right. But during, like I said, weekends, you know, are slower. We're both home and like we're not working. Um, so there's a difference there. So maybe that's also something I could do for just like feeling refreshed <laugh>.
Susan Hyatt (27:24):
Totally. And then like, I would also encourage you when you do, when you do do it and you're feeling refreshed to celebrate that shit all day long. Mm. Like look at me having another eight ounces of water because I'm fucking refreshed. Yeah. Look at my scar and glowing, you know, because I'm had time to do my skincare look at, you know, so spend all day celebrating the benefits of the choice that you made. Um, yeah. I think that that can be really helpful as well. So the, here's the other, um, sort of ritual before we go. I wanna challenge you with, so right, you're, you're changing your identity Yes. Um, through these rituals of becoming an early bird. But um, what about these business hours?
Helene-Jane Groarke (28:14):
<laugh>? Yeah. Well those are like pretty, pretty set in stone. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So like I have them the morning is max nine o'clock in the sense of I bring Kay to daycare mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, um, I'm always home. I'm no for sure at nine depending on traffic cuz she's like a bit further away. So that's why I like have like for sure at nine I'm at my desk. Uh, sometimes it's a little bit before if she was like, if it didn't take time, I, I just have one rule as I have to make my tea. Yeah. And I have to eat before
Susan Hyatt (28:47):
Helene-Jane Groarke (28:48):
Go. So that's the nine to nine to like 1130 are like my morning hours. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then that's where I know why you asked this question. <laugh> everyone she knows why <laugh>, she knows where she's going with this <laugh>. And then from the thing is the afternoon is harder to get back into it. Hmm. So,
Susan Hyatt (29:07):
Because what happens after 1130
Helene-Jane Groarke (29:10):
Because I eat.
Susan Hyatt (29:12):
Helene-Jane Groarke (29:13):
Um, and then like I can go sometimes a little on my phone, I talk to my husband cuz we both work from home mm-hmm. <affirmative> and then his office is right beside the bedroom. And then I see my bed and I'm like, Hmm, maybe, maybe I could do that. Right. I deserve it. I've been like taking care of a baby for a year. I deserve a little nap. Nap
Susan Hyatt (29:33):
<laugh>. Where is my prize for taking care of Ryan for 24 years? You can
Helene-Jane Groarke (29:40):
Nap Susan. I promise
Susan Hyatt (29:42):
You can nap <laugh>. I'm actually a terrible napper just so everyone
Helene-Jane Groarke (29:46):
Knows. Right. So that's the a I I'm not sure yet. So I grew up with a mom that took a nap every day. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So for me, and like to anyone listening, if you need to nap, go nap, like it's totally fine. Right? Yes. Like we said, it's so individual mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, but so sometimes I just, I'm still figuring out if napping is part, like you said, like is this a good thing for me or not? Because what's hard is once I've napped it's the getting out and then like kind of getting back into work again. So I'm wondering if I'm actually sleeping properly at night and doing those routines, do I really need that nap? Or is that nap more like me being bored and me being kind of like, I don't wanna go back to work. I don't know exactly what to do instead. So like, let me, let me just chill in my bed and see what happens. Or is it something that like it's 20 minutes and sometimes like I wake up and I'm like, ugh. Like it feels good. But again, maybe it's just because I was overstimulated and napping is just like a way of being more quiet. So maybe I could go for a walk instead of napping. I'm still exploring that side, but it's the afternoon. That's hard. Yeah.
Susan Hyatt (30:54):
I think it's a fair thing and Right. No one misunderstand me. Like I'm pro nap, like I'm, I'm pro-res, pro nap, all those things. Like, you know, but figuring out how to do it in a way that helps you feel like abil fucking lutely. Like my 20 minute nap is a lifesaver and it doesn't derail the rest of my afternoon or what I need to do. Right. As long as it's supporting your goals Yes. And not, you know, interfering with your goals. Yes. Um, and so, um, I think if you, what I heard when you were talking about it was napping as a way of avoiding Yeah. Not wanting to go back to work and not wanting to go back to work cuz you weren't sure what to work on or do.
Helene-Jane Groarke (31:40):
Susan Hyatt (31:41):
Right. And so that's how we know, right. Like, I am real clear on what I need to be doing. Yeah. Um, I'm also, I, when I take a nap, like I am a bitch on wheels, like it does not refresh me. It makes me murderous <laugh>. Like it is the worst thing in the world for me to go take a nap because I'm so, such a great sleeper in the sense of like, you just better leave me be like, if I'm laying down, do not poke a bear. So it doesn't help me to take a nap. Um, nor do I feel like I I need one. And also what we ultimately in our businesses wanna do is feel excited to get back to our desks. Yeah. To work on the projects that we love and help serve our people. And so that's my, that's really why I brought it up because if it's avoidance that's not refreshing, which is your feeling state you love so much.
Um, and so I would really think about, okay, how can I get clearer on what I would need to do when I'm, cuz that's really common among new entrepreneurs. I bet there's a bazillion people listening to this. Like, yeah, me too. I sit and look at a blank screen and it feels really uncomfortable and I don't know what I should be doing. Um, so then it's like, okay, so my question to you is, if I gave you a, a checklist of thanks that you could be working on no matter what is going on in your business, would you feel better about sitting at your desk? Or like, what's the primary feeling state you're trying to avoid?
Helene-Jane Groarke (33:21):
No, you're, yes, absolutely. It's, I need to make a list. I don't need it in the morning. In the morning I'm focused mm-hmm. <affirmative> or until 1130, like I'm focused, whether it's creating content or reaching out to people or you know, having clients. Like all of that is fine. And the, you're right because the only time when I really feel motivated in the afternoon is when I have a client Ah. Because then I'm like, oh yes. Like let's go do this. I'm gonna make sure like I am refreshed. I'm gonna make sure I focus and ready to go. You know? Um, but you're absolutely right. I think it's the, also it's the decision fatigue, right? Mm-hmm. That like when it comes to the afternoon, like we all have a limited amount.
Susan Hyatt (33:59):
Helene-Jane Groarke (34:00):
And I think that having like four options of what I can do and then having to choose from that rather than be like, what should I be doing because I wor Yeah. I think that's really what, um, what I need for the afternoon more than the mornings for sure.
Susan Hyatt (34:17):
Yeah. I have a, um, I'll send it to you. I have a, um, something that I created many moons ago for, for masterminds and it's really like a like a 30 day action plan where it's like you don't know what you should be doing. Oh, I got a list <laugh> beyond, take your ass to bed and get your ass up. I got a list. Um, and it's, but it's like there's so many things content wise and reach out wise and, um, Facebook Live, Instagram live wise, you've been doing such a great job on your Instagram with, you know, the top things you've learned from rugby. It's a cool series if y'all wanna check it out. But there's so many other things that you could be doing for the front end, back end and deep end of your business that wouldn't require the same level of output that maybe you had in the morning. So there's like an energy management component to it too, where it's like, okay, when you start to hear yourself say like, oh a nap could be great and I deserve it because I did, I did all this stuff in the morning. It's like also reframing what you deserve.
Helene-Jane Groarke (35:29):
Susan Hyatt (35:30):
Um, what you deserve is a six, seven and beyond figure business. What you deserve is like securing your next round of clients while also taking exceptional care of yourself.
Helene-Jane Groarke (35:45):
Yeah. That makes so much sense. Yeah. And I have like tax stuff that I've been annoying to <laugh>. Like, oh,
Susan Hyatt (35:51):
Let me tell you how I am the worst. I'm
Helene-Jane Groarke (35:53):
Sorry to any entrepreneur listening right now cause I don't wanna remind you of that. But like, oh, I have to, to do some. But, and the thing is, in a way it would be better for the afternoon cuz it's not at all content creation. It's not creative. It's purely like filling in, you know, a form and like putting like this bill in this section and yeah. That could be something that, but it's not fun. But I have to do it like,
Susan Hyatt (36:20):
Yeah. And it could be interesting to kind of play around with the, the stuff that you least wanna do, stacking it in the morning. Um, so I don't know if you've heard of that book, eat That Frog? Um,
Helene-Jane Groarke (36:33):
No, I don't think so. I think
Susan Hyatt (36:35):
Y'all don't murder me. I think it was Brian Tracy that wrote it. But it's basically the premise that in terms of motivation and um, and continuing through the day, like getting momentum, that's the theory that if you figure out the things that you least wanna do or that you have the most resistance to and you eat the slimiest toad first. Mm-hmm. You like get it off your mind and off your plate and then it gives you momentum to, you know, do all the other stuff. It can work in reverse as well, doing the things you love the most first. Right. And you're in this good feeling place. Um, but you could experiment with, with starting the day when your energy's the highest with doing the stuff you really don't wanna do and see what you think of that. Yeah. And saving for the afternoon, the stuff you find the most fun.
Helene-Jane Groarke (37:27):
Yeah, I'll, I mean, I'll play around with it and I think that's like, well that's the coach in me, but I'm like, it's okay to play around with it and try a few things. Like it's, that's the part that luckily, like I've understood this time coming around to it mm-hmm. <affirmative> because previously I was like, oh this is such a big deal cuz I need to make sure that like my routine needs to be this, this, this and this and it can't ever change. And it's like, no, like let's, let's play around with it a little bit. So I'll definitely try that. I do think that because of the, the winter blues that has set in, like starting with what I like is good for me right now in that sense. Just because going to bring your kid to daycare when it's like freezing cold outside can be <laugh> hard. But sometimes, I mean, it wakes you up, you know, we're once you're outside, woo
Susan Hyatt (38:08):
Woo. Good morning.
Helene-Jane Groarke (38:11):
But I'll definitely like play around with it and try um, and try it for sure. Yeah.
Susan Hyatt (38:16):
Well, and then lastly, what do you want to claim? Like what do you wanna say without like Right. I'll say without a shadow of a doubt, you know, I'm a woman who takes exceptional care of herself. I'm a, you know, multi seven figure entrepreneur. I'm, you know, like I own, I'm an athlete. I'm this, I'm that. Like what's the identity you're claiming right now?
Helene-Jane Groarke (38:42):
You can't ask me that Susan. You know, we don't know this yet,
Susan Hyatt (38:45):
<laugh>. Oh yes we do. Oh yes we do. This is why I joined your
Helene-Jane Groarke (38:49):
Mastermind. You know
Susan Hyatt (38:50):
This <laugh> Yes you do. She knows people you know enough. You know enough. What are you claiming?
Helene-Jane Groarke (38:57):
I I'm claiming that like I'm a badass.
Susan Hyatt (39:00):
Helene-Jane Groarke (39:01):
That I'm someone who like moves forward and is like, gives out really strong positive energy. Mm-hmm. And that's something that can be hard to do in our world right now. And that's something, and that's why self-care is a big part of that. That's like taking care of yourself when everything, like shit's going down everywhere. But then also like having the energy throughout the day to then give that to my friends, my family, my clients. Like just give that positive energy and like that laughter that I think we get very serious sometimes and it's normal. But like to me, you know, the napping thing, like, it's funny too. It doesn't have to be this super serious thing.
Susan Hyatt (39:45):
No, it's not. It's an interest. It's just a doorway. Yeah. You know, that's all. It's just a beautiful doorway.
Helene-Jane Groarke (39:52):
Yeah. And I think, like I don't, again, like I'm not, I don't think I'm ready yet to claim more. I don't know <laugh> for my identity.
Susan Hyatt (39:59):
I, if you had the nerve, what would you claim? I dunno, Susan <laugh>, it's, uh,
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:10):
It's hard. I've been working on this for like six months for people listening.
Susan Hyatt (40:13):
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:14):
So this is like, I it has to be something about like, well like being a c o is something that still sounds foreign cuz I'm a one person band right now mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, but I am Right.
Susan Hyatt (40:26):
That's a beautiful thing. Listen.
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:28):
Yeah. And I am like, I am A C E O. Even if you're one person of your business, you're still the owner.
Susan Hyatt (40:34):
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:35):
And that like, I can Yeah. That I, I don't forget myself that I'm a woman that does not forget herself. Ooh.
Susan Hyatt (40:44):
I'm writing that down
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:46):
And I have to
Susan Hyatt (40:46):
Write it down too. <laugh>. I'm a woman who does not forget herself. That's it.
Helene-Jane Groarke (40:52):
Susan Hyatt (40:52):
That's it. Helen Jane and that my friend is what you build those routines around. If you're a woman who doesn't forget herself, she operates in a certain way.
Helene-Jane Groarke (41:04):
Susan Hyatt (41:06):
Helene-Jane Groarke (41:07):
Susan Hyatt (41:08):
Look at us. Look at us living. Um, well I want to thank you for being here. How can people learn more about you? We'll put it in the show notes Of course. But yes.
Helene-Jane Groarke (41:20):
So, um, the best way is Instagram. That's where I mostly live. Mm-hmm. It's, uh, it speaks my language. So my handle, you'll put it in the show notes cuz it's my last name can be difficult, but it's Helen Grok underscore coaching. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, that's on Instagram. I do have a business, like a Facebook, uh, business page. That's Helen Jane Grue coaching. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then my website is helen jane g coaching.com.
Susan Hyatt (41:47):
Helen Jane g I'm obsessed
Helene-Jane Groarke (41:50):
Susan Hyatt (41:50):
Um, all right. Well I know this is gonna help a lot of people. A lot of people, most entrepreneurs I work with struggle with all the things we talked about. So I appreciate you being so vulnerable and coming on the show.
Helene-Jane Groarke (42:03):
Well, thank you for having me. I'm like really pumped about this.
Susan Hyatt (42:09):
If you wanna make a difference in women's lives, abolished diet culture, and break the cycle of body image issues, consider becoming a bear. Certified life coach. Enrollment is now open and our mission is to help you feel confident, powerful, and mentally and physically strong so that you can help others do the same. The real beauty in becoming a Bear certified coach is that you can apply everything to your client's lives and to your own life. You get to show up as the best possible version of you and serve as an incredible role model for the women you wanna help. You can learn more about Bear Certified Coach training at Let's get bear.com. Until the next episode, I'm wishing for you to get up all the nerve you need to go after everything you want.
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