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The Nerve to Love Yourself (Valentine’s Day)

This Valentine’s Day, while everyone’s out there hustling for roses and wrestling over the last box of chocolates, we’re focusing on the most fabulous person in your life – YOU! 
In this episode of You’ve Got Nerve, I’m teaching you how to dial up the self-love, because being your own Valentine is the ultimate power move. Self-love isn’t just about bubble baths and affirmations (though, hey, I’m all for those). It’s about owning your worth, tuning into your needs, and being the CEO of your own cheer squad. It’s what fuels the dreams, boundaries, and healthy vibes that make life a whole lot sweeter. And guess what? Cultivating it doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all manual.

In this episode, we discuss:

Questions to Reflect On

  1. How do I talk to myself?
  2. Do I listen to my needs?
  3. Can I set and respect my own boundaries?
  4. Do I allow myself to make mistakes?
  5. How do I celebrate my achievements, no matter how small?
  6. Do I prioritize my own well-being?
  7. Am I honest with myself?
  8. Do I forgive myself?
  9. How do I respond to my own suffering?
  10. Do I compare myself to others?

Don’t just breeze through these questions. Really work through them. Crack open that box of chocolates, pour yourself a glass of whatever you like, and be your own Valentine, not just today, but 365 days a year.

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Susan Hyatt (00:00):
Is there something you wish you had the nerve to do? Welcome to, you've Got Nerve, the podcast that teaches you how to conquer your fears, upgrade your mindset, and get up the nerve to go after whatever you want. If you wish you had the guts to go all in on your goals, dreams, and desires, this show is for you. I'm master certified life coach Susan Hyatt, and I am so excited for you to join me on this journey. In today's episode, I'm coming at you solo to talk about having the nerve to love yourself. Now, Valentine's Day is traditionally about loving others and showering your loved ones with flowers, chocolates, and romantic gestures. But in the flurry of Cupid's arrows and harp shaped everything, there's a deeper, often overlooked aspect of love that deserves the spotlight. Yep. Self-love. In a society that constantly presses us with self-criticism, having the nerve to love yourself is a radical act.

(01:12):
But here's the thing, self-love is the fertilizer for everything you want in life, and it's the foundation upon which all other forms of love are built. So this Valentine's Day, let's take a journey into the heart of self-love, why it's essential, how to cultivate it and how to measure it. So self-love, it's not just a trendy buzzword or a selfish indulgence either. It's about acknowledging your worth, respecting your needs, and nurturing your growth. And when you love your own self, you then set the standard for how others should love you too. So you also become more resilient, more confident, and open to the abundance and joys of life. Self-love empowers you to pursue your dreams, set boundaries, and create healthy relationships. It's the soil where your potential can bloom into its fullest expression and cultivating self-love is a journey that looks different for everyone. So it might involve self-care practices like taking time for hobbies you love, or it might mean challenging negative self-talk and practicing a lot of self-compassion.

(02:33):
It's about making choices that reflect your worth and moving away from things that drain your energy or your spirit. So self-love, it's not a destination, it's not a box you get to check off like, oh, I love myself. All done. It's a practice. It's a way of being. So how do you even know if you're on the right track with self-love? It's not something you can easily or necessarily quantify, but you can gauge your process by reflecting on certain aspects of your relationship with yourself. So here are 10 questions I cultivated to ask yourself as a self love meter. Now this was inspired by the New York Times. So I recently saw a 2015 article written, it's the Modern Love Column in the New York Times, and the headline was something like 36 questions that can Help You Fall in Love with Anyone. So the premise was like, is it possible to accelerate love with another?

(03:48):
And these 36 questions were an experiment to say, if you got vulnerable enough with another person with these 36 questions, you could probably fall in love pretty quickly. And I was like, you know what? Let's accelerate. So I created some questions that I think can accelerate self-love. Alright, all right. So here's 10 questions to ask yourself as a self-love meter. And each question sheds light on different dimensions of self-love helping you understand where you stand and where you might need to focus more intention. So I want to invite you, you can listen to this podcast all the way through if you have a notebook and a pen handy, get that out. My invitation is that you ruminate, marinate, explore these questions even after this podcast is over. But you may have some initial answers that pop up as you hear me talk through these questions.

(04:55):
So number one, how do I talk to myself? How do I talk to myself? The way you talk to yourself is a pretty clear indicator of how much love you have for yourself. So are you critical or compassionate? And would you talk to other people, someone you love the way that you talk to yourself? So I was just teaching these questions inside my big yes energy membership community. Today we had a self-love class, and it was so fabulous. We had a guided hypnosis with one of our members, Kaylee rhi. And then, oh my God, I was so chilled after this hypnosis session. But then I presented this material, these questions, and one of the things I said was that, you know how for those of you who are parents, you know how when you've got your kid in the doctor's office or the grocery store and they start acting like a fool, and you've got that look right, and you might say under your breath, like, wait until we get in the car.

(06:11):
Wait until I get you home. We would be probably embarrassed if other people heard us scolding our children like that. I bet we'd be doubly embarrassed if people could eavesdrop on how we talk to ourselves. So I want you to think about that. Would they say you were critical or compassionate? How do I talk to myself? The second question, do I listen to my needs? So self-love means acknowledging and addressing your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Do you give yourself what you need to thrive? Or do you tend to ignore or suppress your needs? So if we're in a relationship with other people, often they'll give us feedback like you're not listening, or they may thank us. Thank you for listening to me. Do you listen to your own needs? Number three, can I set and respect my own boundaries? Okay, boundaries are such a great way of protecting your energy and your wellbeing.

(07:19):
Are you able to set healthy boundaries with others? And do you respect them yourself? So something I work with my clients on all the time, if you're an entrepreneur, I'm like, Hey, what are your regular business hours? What are they? Because we have to claim them and then we have to protect them. When I first started this company 17 years ago, almost in April, it'll be 17 years in this same home office, people sort of had this idea that because Susan works from home, she could watch my kids while I go to the mall or Hey, I have to run to the doctor. Could you check the mail or receive packages for me? Or I mean, the list goes on. I had to train everyone. I had to have boundaries with my family, my friends, my neighbors. Like, yo, when my cheeks are in the seat in this office, I'm doing shit.

(08:18):
Okay? So think about it, whether it's business or personal, intimate or not, are you able to set healthy boundaries with other people and do you respect them yourself? Number four, do I allow myself to make mistakes so we're so hard on ourselves? Are you able to allow yourself to be imperfect and to learn from mistakes? It's a sign of self-compassion. Or do you scold yourself for errors or do you view them as growth opportunities? So all of us have moments where we're like, I can't believe I did that, but are you able to have compassion for yourself? It's a big one. Number five, how do I celebrate my achievements no matter how small? Now I just sent out a blog email about the celebration factor. I think it's so important to have the energy of celebration, big and small, regular life. And when you're off to Paris, either way, recognizing and celebrating successes is an act of self-love. So do you acknowledge your achievements or do you downplay or overlook them?

(09:45):
Number six, do I prioritize my own wellbeing? Putting yourself on your list of priorities is pretty essential for self-love. So do you make time for self-care and activities that nourish you, or do you constantly sacrifice your needs for others? Number seven, am I honest with myself? Ooh, yo, being honest about your feelings, desires and mistakes, that's crucial for a loving relationship with yourself. Do you face the truth even when it's uncomfortable or do you avoid it? So something that we're doing inside my big yes energy group, I have this challenge called Seven Days of Boldness. And the first day right out of the gate, it's all about being honest with yourself about what you're really hungry for, what you're really craving. And I find that when we're so busy procrastinating, people, pleasing, being a martyr, those are all coping mechanisms to avoid honesty with ourselves. So really think about it. Is there an uncomfortable truth you're avoiding? And can you just be honest with yourself? Like, wow, I'm really running myself ragged to avoid what?

(11:16):
And then number eight, do I forgive myself Self-forgiveness is such a powerful aspect of self-love. Do you hold on to guilt and regret, or can you forgive yourself and move forward? So earlier, one of the questions was, do I allow myself to make mistakes? Sometimes when you're holding a big vision for yourself and you're trying different things, you're going to, we're all going to make mistakes, right? Can you be honest with yourself about them? Can you forgive yourself? Number nine, how do I respond to my own suffering? Now, listen, when I just asked this question on Zoom to my big yes community, somebody had, as she described it, her stank face on the visceral recoil that I witnessed when I asked that question, how do I respond to my own suffering? How do I respond to my own suffering? When you're going through tough times, the way you treat yourself is so telling.

(12:25):
So do you offer yourself kindness and understanding, or do you tend to be harsh and critical? I think it's really interesting to think about when our friends are suffering, when our spouse or partner is suffering, when our kids or loved ones are suffering. Heck, sometimes we're nicer to the postal carriers suffering than our own, right? We're so typically empathetic in giving to others who are suffering. But when we're suffering, often we'll use that as just another reason to flog ourselves. So pay attention to that. How do I respond to my own suffering? And then the last question, question number 10, do I compare myself to others? Now, comparison can be the thief of joy and self-love. Yes. So do you measure your worth against others or do you focus on your own unique journey? So I think this is important because social media that I love for so many reasons, I love it for connecting me with all of you.

(13:33):
I love it because I can set up shop on there and do business. I love it because I can keep up with people from grade school and high school and see what they're doing. And one of the downsides of being human is that often we can see other people thriving, succeeding, having a great time, and use that as a measuring stick. Use that as a way to say, wow. So-and-so just published another bestseller. Whoa, look at her abs. Or Oh my God, she's going on another trip. Or must be nice to fill in the blank. We can get really nasty with ourselves that we're not far enough along that we should have things that are major wins. And I want to encourage you, whenever you're feeling envious, whenever you're comparing yourself to just take a step back, take a beat and understand that that's admiration, that's been hijacked, right?

(14:42):
Your higher self is happy for other people, your higher self admires accomplishments other people have, and then our nasty gremlin minds get involved and start twisting it. We compare ourselves to others. But here's the thing. Our unique journey is our unique journey. We are meant to live our lives and we can bring it back to ourselves. And self-love can make all the difference. So as you go through these questions and answer them, and I hope you really do spend some time, look at the show notes, copy and paste the questions, get out a journal, whatever you need to do. But I want you to remember that self-love is a very personal and ongoing journey. So you're not looking for perfection here. You're just aiming for progress. Because remember I said at the top of this, it's not a destination, it's a practice. And so I can still in every one of those questions find ways in which, wow, I want to move deeper into my self-love.

(15:57):
I want to respond more compassionately for myself. I want to stop comparing myself. I want to, none of us can go through these questions and say I'm all good, right? Because you wouldn't be human if that were the case. So progress is a direction, right? Forward is a direction, even if it's a tiny step. So this Valentine's Day, you can enjoy all the roses and chocolates you want. I hope you do buy yourself some, but don't forget to take some time to commit to loving yourself and pledge to be your own Valentine, not just today, but every day. And so I have to tell you, Scott Hyatt, if you're listening to this, I was making a little list of things that I wanted to do that were thoughtful and nice for Scott for Valentine's. And then I was like, you know what? But what am I going to do for myself? I'm my own Valentine, and I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still working on it and I don't want to spoil his Valentine's surprise. But if you check out social media, you'll see, you'll see just simple things to show others that you love them, but don't leave yourself out. Okay?

(17:19):
All right. So something new that I wanted to announce is that I am lovingly referring to this as the Susan Hyatt World Tour. I have a number of new events and appearances. If you've been around long enough, you might remember when I used to do something called Girlfriends Gone Wild Dinner Parties. So we're renaming those and I'm going to be doing high teas and lunches, brunches and dinners, literally all over. I would love to invite you to attend the cities that I will be offering these get togethers in. The first one coming up is in Palm Springs. I've never been to Palm Springs, and I'm super excited to host a brunch on St. Patrick's Day, March 17th. So if you want details about that, just let us know. You can email into support@susanhyatt.co. You can check the show notes. We'll be putting info in there, but the first one is March 17th.

(18:32):
You have to get a ticket. So let us know if you want to come and we'll give you all the details. So there's Palm Springs, there is Atlanta coming up in April. There is Toronto, there is la, there is Seattle. And more, literally everywhere I'm going, I am doing these get togethers. So if you want to get together in person, they are typically the most fun combination of wonderful food, excellent company and life coaching to boot. So also, I do have an opening for one-on-one coaching. So if you're ready to go all in and you want to work with me, one-on-one, create major breakthroughs in your life, check out the show notes. And I am also getting ready to email out. I have a couple of opportunities for VIP Yes Days with me. So are you booked me for the day, and we work on either your business or your life. And it's a very popular offer, so I hope you'll take advantage of it. And no matter what, I believe in you. I believe in your vision for you, and I believe in your success.

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