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Take a Sabbatical Feat. Tracy Carrothers


Have you ever wanted to take a month-long sabbatical? Or step away from work for any significant length of time? 

My guest today is Tracy Carrothers. Tracy is a Bare Certified Coach, an artist, coach, adventurer, cancer survivor, and community builder living in Taipei, Taiwan. As a self-taught painter, her work is forever evolving. A breast cancer diagnosis and then the pandemic plunged her deeper into how creativity fuels healing and ultimately wholeness. 

Tracy has a passion for gathering women to get creative in order to embrace their inherent worth and power. She designs intuitive painting retreats where creative exercises, coaching, painting, and energy work form a space for women to connect deeply to their own desires and joy. She believes we are all tasked with finding our own wholeness and healing, but we should never have to walk that road alone.
You can follow her work on Instagram at @artrageous_u and @tracymac

This episode is available to watch on youtube.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • How to know when it’s the “right time” to take time off. 
  • How a setback can be a “setup” for your best future. 
  • Why great people can potentially keep you from hearing what’s next for yourself. 
  • What you might discover when you give yourself the time, space & freedom.
  • Why there’s nothing wrong with wanting more. 

If you ever wanted to take a sabbatical… to write a book, travel, spend more time with friends, or just savor some much-needed alone time, this episode is for you. 

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If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and review it on iTunes or wherever you’re listening. Your reviews help us reach more people who want to get up the “nerve” to create what they crave and become unstoppable. 

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Susan Hyatt:
Is there something you wish you had the nerve to do? Welcome to You've Got Nerve, the podcast that teaches you how to conquer your fears, upgrade your mindset, and get the nerve to go after whatever you want. If you wish you had the guts to go all in on your goals, dreams, and desires, this show is for you. I'm master certified life coach Susan Hyatt, and I am so excited for you to join me on this journey.

Susan Hyatt:
On today's episode, our guest is Tracy. Tracy is an artist, a coach, a breast cancer survivor. And she's trying to work up the nerve to take a month long sabbatical for herself. She's married. She has two sons and she lives in Taiwan. She's been visiting her family in the US for about six weeks and her family is getting ready to go back to Taiwan. She's trying to make the decision as to whether or not she should take this month for herself. If you have ever struggled with prioritizing your own self care, this episode is for you. And I hope you enjoy being a fly on the wall of this juicy coaching conversation.

Susan Hyatt:
So welcome to You've Got Nerve, Tracy.

Tracy Carrothers:
Thank you so much.

Susan Hyatt:
So what are you trying to get up the nerve to do?

Tracy Carrothers:
Okay. Well, so many things, but I am an expat who lives in Taiwan and we're currently in America. So we've lived in Taiwan about five and a half years.

Susan Hyatt:
Wow, I cannot believe it's been that long.

Tracy Carrothers:
I can't. COVID kind of messed up the timeline. It makes it feel very weird. Basically, we haven't been home for three years because of COVID. So that never happens in my expat life. That's just not a thing to be away from friends and family. And nobody could come into the country. So we've had an incredible summer here about six weeks now, seeing friends, seeing family. Huge family reunion, I organized for 17 of of us. Chaos.

Susan Hyatt:
Wow. I saw the picks on social media and it looked like campfires and smores and so much fun.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah, it was amazing. I call myself a camp counselor. So I really poured myself. I'm the oldest of five so I'm really bossy and organized the house and the games. So I made us have an Olympic games. So I poured everything into the summer, into reconnecting, and I'm not ready to go home. So we have plane tickets for August 1st. My kids need to get back for August 14th school to start. We need to quarantine. When you were talking about what do you want to have the nerve to do, I posted under your... I was on Facebook. I said I don't want to go home. I want to do like a me trip and stay behind. I think that's the first time I spoke it out loud. But I want to stay behind for about a month and just saying it like, "Woo!"

Susan Hyatt:
It's so good.

Tracy Carrothers:
It is. And since I even wrote that, the power in just speaking something out loud and then dreaming about it. And then I did a lot of prep because I knew I was going to talk to you and I like to be an A+ student.

Susan Hyatt:
Oh my gosh. You get gold star just for that outfit, okay?

Tracy Carrothers:
Thanks. I thought it was very Susan Hyatt'es. But yeah. So the things that it means is that my husband will go home with the boys. They'll quarantine. Sean, my oldest, will start high school and I won't be there. I'll be away from them for four weeks. When they were little, I've gone on girls trips. I've gone to every country I love. They're at an age where it feels like time is... They're tall. Sean's 5'7 and he is two inches taller than me. So I just feel this feeling around time, but I also feel like the time is now for me. I need to get back to me.

Susan Hyatt:
There's so many beautiful things layered into this. And I first want to applaud you for even claiming the goal or the craving of like, "I need some me time and I want to stay behind for a month" even though part of you recognizes that it might be nice to see your son off to high school, right? But you're like, "Okay, I need some me time" in this unusual circumstance that most of my listeners probably would never find themselves in.

Tracy Carrothers:
Right.

Susan Hyatt:
That they're an expat living several years away from family and friends. And regardless. For whatever reason that you want to have some me time... Hash, the kitten is like damn straight. So my question for you is what would be the only thing keeping you from taking this month trip for yourself staying behind?

Tracy Carrothers:
Me. Just my own thinking. I mean, my husband is just like, "Do whatever you need to do." I think something... My expat life is probably different than a lot of people's, but my life is very traditional in the ways that I've poured into my family. And let me tell you, that was a surprise. That is not the way I set out to be. So my-

Susan Hyatt:
Right, because you studied to be an attorney, right?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yep. Yep. I'm an attorney and that was my dream since I was 15. I'm still licensed, but not practicing. Yeah, I really thought that was going to be my career. It was a literal dream since 15 years old. It was a hard earned dream. I was not likely to go to law school. My background is not that. But we made a choice and we moved 14 years ago to Japan for my husband's work. It's just been amazing, the adventures, the experiences, the people. And then I also got to train as a coach. I'm a BARE certified coach.

Susan Hyatt:
Yes.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. I've become an artist. I've merged all those things together. I've done a lot of cool things. But I had breast cancer in 2018. And I'm doing great. But right after that, it took me about a year to recover and then COVID hit. And so I did a lot of outward facing work towards other people, in my community and my family and I poured into that and I drained myself. So I guess that's the part that I'm saying like I live somewhere unusual, but what I've done by kinds of putting myself on the back burner over and over, not even realizing it. And having a good life. I think that that's very relatable. So what would stop me from doing it is just these very mundane questions. Because I'm a coach it drives me crazy that I have these, like, "Haven't you worked through this yet?" But you know, those same things come up.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah, those themes continue to surface.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah, that I'm too much. This is too much. Who would do this? Life is good. Why can't you just be happy?

Susan Hyatt:
Would do this? Who would do this, Tracy?

Tracy Carrothers:
Susan Hyatt would do this.

Susan Hyatt:
Fuck, yeah. Although now that you're talking, I've never taken a whole month. I mean, my kids are out of the house now, but... I understand what you're saying because I mean years and years and years ago, pre-me becoming a coach, I remember my therapist, who is still my therapist, she's been my family therapist all these years, she's made the audacious suggestion that I might go to a cabin in the woods just for 24, 48 hours all by myself. And I thought she was out of her mind. I was like, "Who does that?" Right?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
And so, right, all these years later, of course I could do it, but I get the hesitation like, who does that? Who stays behind?

Tracy Carrothers:
And I think the old me does that, which is what it just came up, the me that I'm looking to reconnect to. Definitely I have absorbed more rules and kind of societal, traditional... And this is all made up on top of my head. None of my friends are going to look at me and go, "You shouldn't do this," but I kind of thought like, "What if something happens to one of my kids while I'm gone? What if it's like now I'm the mom who wasn't there?" All these just very... Like I said, they feel very mundane to me, these thoughts that I think I could work through, but what would people... "My husband's working his ass off and she's gallivanting around the world or doing whatever she wants." Like these judgments on all of that.

Susan Hyatt:
I love a good galavant. So if you were gallivanting, what might that entail during this month?

Tracy Carrothers:
Oh my gosh. I have so many potential things. I mean, a lot of it is a cabin in the woods. Some solitude. I am so extroverted. Over the years I also love time by myself. So that kind of time and space to just dream, I feel like I'm on the... Things are changing. My kids, they don't need me in the same ways and I can't tell them anything anyway. They're just at-

Susan Hyatt:
And it doesn't change. My kids are 21 and 23. I think we've got a few years before [inaudible 00:10:14].

Tracy Carrothers:
I mean, I love them and they're fantastic, and also they're not my little buddies. We just did everything together and we did travel the world together. They don't even want to watch a movie with me half the time. I mean, I think that now is the time. And seeing my mom, I told her I was going to talk about her. She's okay with it. Three years have passed, we're all aging, right?

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah.

Tracy Carrothers:
The way that I want to be present for her in the coming years is going to change. And so I feel this very intuitive place of like, "Look at your life. What do you want to do?" So I feel like my gallivanting would be road tripping and music and art in a cabin in the woods. And most importantly, catching those dream, those things that bubble up that I want to happen over the next five years. I really know for sure in life now that it's really hard to hear those inner callings when you're around all your fantastic people. Especially it's such an intense time when I feel like the world is very loud. If I don't make the space to do it, I will very easily just slip back into my fine good life.

Susan Hyatt:
Is it this droozy? I love this so much, Tracy, because it's like everything is really great and a good life, a great life, great people can potentially keep you from hearing what's next for yourself.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. Ooh, I got chills. That's so true.

Susan Hyatt:
And so having the intuitive understanding that like, "Now is the time and let me go tuck myself away," what are you hoping that when you're in a cabin and you have some solitude that you might discover?

Tracy Carrothers:
My own inner wantings and desires and what I really want to come next. It hasn't been the time to plan what's next for the past, I don't know, couple of years. It just didn't feel right. Not in a bad way. It just felt like it just wasn't time for that. So now I'm starting to open up to, "Okay. What can come next?" I said that it's very difficult to hear that inner calling when I have so many other things in front of me to do, like just the taking care of the kids or whatever, but honestly, a lot of fun things to do too in my life like just the other stuff. So getting away from all the distractions. I'm very distractable. I'm like, "Oh, that looks fun. I'll go do that."

Susan Hyatt:
Right. Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
Things can very easily kind of float on by past these callings that are coming up.

Susan Hyatt:
Mm. So if you respond to the callings, what do you imagine might open up for you?

Tracy Carrothers:
Mm. It feels like just so expansive. What came to mind is just the whole world. Like just, I live in an incredible place. And also after five and a half years, I would like to look beyond that. I feel like there's more for me out there. And so I think what would unfold is I would start putting more of myself out in the world. I kind of pulled back on some things, less visible, less writing. I've hidden away a little bit. So I think that I will definitely start contributing more. I have things that... I have a girls' education program that I support in Bangladesh. I have dreams for that. There are art projects I want to do. I have some things that I'm keeping in my mouth. I'm not saying that [inaudible 00:14:12]. I'm scared to say.

Susan Hyatt:
Why?

Tracy Carrothers:
No. Right? I just told them myself. Yeah, I think because once I say I'm like, "You said that so you got to-"

Susan Hyatt:
Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it.

Tracy Carrothers:
I want to make a deck, like a soul card deck with my art.

Susan Hyatt:
Oh.

Tracy Carrothers:
Which feels various. I could do that while I was traveling. I wanted to do art. I want to be like a traveling artists for a month. But I want those things to just create the path for the next five years. We want to buy a home and find home here in the states that is ours, but I don't want it to look like the traditional situation. There's just so many things. But the writing, the painting, the doing.

Susan Hyatt:
So it's all the things you already love to do.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
You mentioned the word beyond, which you know is my favorite right now.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
So are you willing to allow yourself to access what's beyond great for yourself?

Tracy Carrothers:
I totally am. I believe that this would be a catalyst for that. When I think about what holds me back from that, it's this feeling like it feels very primal. Like if I step out and want more than what I have, then it's almost like... And this is nobody in my life that does this. This isn't made up in my imagination, but it's this feeling like I'm pulling away from an already existing way of life and therefore I'm on my own a bit or I'm pursuing things that aren't relatable to other people, or I think it's this feeling of like, I'm alone, I'm forging ahead alone. Which I don't know, I think there's a separation or this thing of wanting more than I should want.

Susan Hyatt:
Mm. So why do you think that you're imagining you would have to go it alone and also that there's something wrong with wanting more than great?

Tracy Carrothers:
The going alone part, why would I imagine that? I think life has felt small and restricted over the past couple because it's literally been restricted. So it's funny that my adventurous spirit, my independence a little bit has been quieted. So I need to reconnect to that. So I think that fear... I'm never afraid of being alone or even being a stand out or doing things differently, but there's something that's just I disconnected a bit in myself. I'm afraid of people... Not afraid. I imagine people might talk about me, like, "Why does Tracy have to go do-"

Susan Hyatt:
They will. They will.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
What do you imagine they'll say?

Tracy Carrothers:
Oh, the big one is I think, "Oh, it must be nice, Tracy..." And the thing I said about "She's off doing what she wants to do and her husband's working so hard." Listen, he and I have those... In our own world we have that sorted. So this is not from him.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
His words are... But I told my mom I was going to tell you this. She knew I was thinking about this and said, "Well, I just have to ask you. Are you afraid that the boys are going to lack supervision while you're gone? Who's..." And I was like, "Mom?"

Susan Hyatt:
That's some old school stuff, right?

Tracy Carrothers:
That's some old school. And I can say to her that is not helpful. Because first of all, even as much as I reject it, it gets to me because that is my fear. But those I'm afraid. She and I talked about it and I told her like, "I'm going to Susan Hyatt you said that."

Susan Hyatt:
Susan Hyatt's going to get you on her podcast.

Tracy Carrothers:
But I said first of all they have a father at home who's heavily involved in their life. And second of all, would I have I ever endangered my children or put them anything at risk?

Susan Hyatt:
Right. Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
But I'm afraid other people will say things like that or just see it as frivolous, I guess. Like if I was going off to go to school or do something, I give certain things more credibility than, oh my gosh, this is so perfect, than my own pleasure, than my own.

Susan Hyatt:
There we go, right? Isn't it interesting that we can attach meaning to something or value to something if it's anything other than our own pleasure, mental health, creativity?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
And that's not an accident. That's definitely what culture teaches us. And it's fascinating because I can't tell you how many times I have in my own mind qualified something as like, "Oh, but there's a business component to..." fill in the blank.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. Right.

Susan Hyatt:
That somehow now it's a credible and worthwhile endeavor than like, "I'm just going to Morocco to go to Morocco," or "I'm just..." fill in the blank. So what I would say to you is, okay, so you already know that your mom and potentially others might have a judgment that, "Oh, her husband works so hard and she's off doing whatever." Are you willing to let people have their own judgments and opinions about what a woman should do, what a mother should do?

Tracy Carrothers:
Oh, that was really brilliant the way you phrased that, because when you said a mother should do or a woman should do, I was like, "Hell no, I'm not going to allow their opinions to change." But if you would've said, "you," that shifted something in my head. I was ready for you to say "you" and I would've gotten there, like, "Yes, I can get over it" and whatever. But when you said like, this is a broader thing for all women and mothers, I'm like, "No way I'm going to let that stop me" because this is for all of us. This is something that is a systemic thing, not a Tracy thing.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
These ideas are in my head. It's not my personality even to worry about what other people think.

Susan Hyatt:
Right. Listen, I have lived to tell the tale where I have been the mother off doing something and the shit hit the fan, okay? Everything you're worried about has happened to me. I had all those thoughts like, "Oh, maybe I should have been there or maybe I shouldn't have..." fill in the blank. My husband definitely sounds very similar to your husband in that he was like, "No, get on the plane. Go do the thing. I'm here" or whatever. I'm like, "Yeah, you're here. You're here. Can somebody put the truck in the ditch?" Right?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
But kids are going to make, especially teenagers. We can't sacrifice our lives, our souls, our creativity, our whatever, to just babysit 24/7 when that's not even right. You're like, "They're not even watching movies with me." What are you going to do? Sit in the house in Taiwan and hope you get the first call when something goes wrong?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah, yeah. You're right.

Susan Hyatt:
So the thing is like, you're never going to stop human beings from judging other human beings if they even are.

Tracy Carrothers:
Right.

Susan Hyatt:
And if it were to come to that, then are you willing to allow them to be wrong about what a woman or mom could do?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
And are you willing to show yourself that when you follow your own intuitive guidance, it's helpful to you?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. It's everything. I am willing to do that. And again, I think that's why I need this space to reconnect to that knowledge. That when I follow my own guidance, things are amazing and I create whatever I want. I've just been a little bit out of practice with that. So yeah, I mean, it's who I am to do the things that call me.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah. It's so exciting to me because we've known each other a long time and I've really enjoyed watching your artwork which is beautiful pop-up on social media and your gym workout with all your friends and your hikes and trips. Just a beautiful life. And what happen if we pour into this intuitive hit that you have to stay behind how that might just be like the appetizer to going beyond and what's next?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. That's what it feels like. Because I did get into a very... I don't know if it's my lawyer brain, but I get into a like, "Okay, if you're going to do this trip and you're going to do these things, what's going to be the output from that trip? What are you going to produce? You're going to have your goals listed." And I was like, "No, you need the wind in your hair." I've had so much joy just driving a car here without 400,000 scooters around me, Taiwan, I love you but this driving stresses me out, and having music on and all the ideas and the dreams that just come when I'm just singing down the road. So instead of trying to organize it so carefully and plan it so that I show up with some kind of proof, like, "See, this time was worth it," that just to trust that it's beyond I could eat what I could even imagine if I give myself the space. I can't even plan what's going to come out of this.

Susan Hyatt:
You can't. It's an impossibility. You just have to follow the bread crumb.

Tracy Carrothers:
Right. Right.

Susan Hyatt:
One of my all time favorite songs forever and ever is Freedom! by George Michael.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
I know you're a fellow GenX'er.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
I mean, this song is on my Summer of Yes playlist. However, Scott is so sick of my Summer of Yes playlist that he was on the boat picking different playlists off Spotify and every single playlist he picked like '90s this or boat tunes that, the first song that would play would be Freedom! by George Michael. And it was a joke. He's like, "We can't escape it." And I'm like, "Because it's a message." And I almost think, Tracy, it's a song for you.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
I think that song has been playing for me for you.

Tracy Carrothers:
Oh, I love it. I believe it.

Susan Hyatt:
Your homework is you need to listen to that song.

Tracy Carrothers:
I will. You know it's funny you say that because I've been making in my head a playlist for this month, for the month coming up when I'm going on my own. I do believe in messages. Since I said I would talk to you, so many messages have come up. I don't know if you knew Tabitha Brown. She's on Instagram. She's a vegan. I think I'm-

Susan Hyatt:
I know the name, but I can't place who she is.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. I'll send you the link because I was just scrolling and she came up really serious. She's just so lovely the way she encourages her following. But she said, "Now you're in..." I don't know what she called it. She's like, "This is you time. And you haven't been in you time for a long time. It can be uncomfortable." But anyway, I'll send it to you. It was just like that came up. It was a message. I listened to a podcast with Glennon Doyle, I listened to Chelsea Handler and all these themes of like, "Don't abandon yourself. You got to show up for yourself." These things that are kind of catch phrases, but that were felt very well placed because it's the path that I'm on right now to reconnect with myself. To abandon myself would be to ignore these intuitive hits, these callings, these things are coming to me.

Susan Hyatt:
Mm-hmm. What do you think the best possible thing that could happen would be?

Tracy Carrothers:
I just felt like that I'd have freedom, that I'd feel the freedom. That I would just feel the experience. I'm going to try not to even project too far in the future. That it would just be such a freeing experience that was really pure joy and pleasure. I wrote down before we got together an unwavering commitment to my own wellbeing. That's what I feel like I'm really... And wellbeing not meaning weight loss and all that.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
Wellbeing meaning my souls wellbeing. That I'm reminded that that's my mission, is to care for myself so much because I know when I'm in a great place, I have so much to offer. So I'm not afraid so much about what's being offered, the thing, more about my soul being prepped and ready.

Susan Hyatt:
Mm-hmm. That's beautiful. And so, okay. Here's my question. Do you have the nerve? You're going to do it?

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah. I do and I am. I am going to. Ooh, I got chills now. I'm definitely going to do it. I'm, yeah, 100%. I promise you.

Susan Hyatt:
Listen to me. Listen to me. What kind woman, what kind mother has an unwavering devotion to her own wellbeing?

Tracy Carrothers:
Oh, of an incredible woman. An incredible mother. The kind of person people that I want my kids to... If I had a daughter to grow up to be, my kids to be themselves. Like just...

Susan Hyatt:
Ugh. I just got tears in my eyes. Listen, the whole mood has changed when you focus on it that way.

Tracy Carrothers:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
I can't thank you enough for opening up to this audience and sharing this. I know a lot of women will get a lot of inspiration from seeing another woman just do the damn thing.

Tracy Carrothers:
Thank you so much. I have to say, I think it's not coincidence obviously that I'm aspiring to live beyond and that's what you're doing next. I think I'm often in sync with you anyway. This does not surprise me.

Susan Hyatt:
Right. Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
Like, Morocco's on my... All these things are on my list.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
But I just think that for me because I'm very socially mind and I always want to do good in the world, there is a connection between what's happening now and us really claiming all the space to live beyond because we're going to need it. We're going to need to live large and out loud and in all that pleasure and power to make the changes that need to be happening. This is not a sole independent thing.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Tracy Carrothers:
This is, I think, for what needs to happen. So I just appreciate you for nudging everybody along, or not nudging, for kicking us along.

Susan Hyatt:
Dragging. Kicking.

Tracy Carrothers:
Dragging. Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
Well, I appreciate that. We're going to go beyond together.

Tracy Carrothers:
All right. Thank you so much, Susan.

Susan Hyatt:
Thank you so much for watching and listening to today's episode of You've Got Nerve. I hope this episode has inspired you to get the courage and confidence to go after everything you want. And listen, if you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you're listening. Your reviews really mean the world to me. And when you review the podcast, we have the potential to reach even more people who want to get up the nerve to create what they crave and become unstoppable.

Susan Hyatt:
Is there something you need to get the nerve to do? The first step is saying yes to yourself, yes to what you want, and yes to whatever it is you crave. Hey, if you're like Tracy and you want to go beyond, you want to create a life and a business that's beyond your wildest dreams, you're going to want to check out the Beyond Mastermind. We're accepting applications. The link is in the show notes. It's a six month program with 15 women, including a Thursday through Sunday retreat in Savannah, Georgia. Check it out.

Susan Hyatt:
Excited for the next episode of You've Got Nerve but don't want to wait a whole week? Get motivational texts from me to help you gain more courage and confidence in your life. Just text me at 812-408-1823. And if you've got a question for me, we're adding some special Q&A episodes of You've Got Nerve in the near future and we're looking for listeners to participate. You can send a voice message of your question by visiting youvegotnervepodcast.com. That's all for today's episode of You've Got Nerve. Now, it's time to go and get what you want, more confidence, more money, more energy, more pleasure. Go after your goals like never before because you've got the nerve.

 

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