Susan Hyatt:
Is there something you wish you had the nerve to do? Welcome to You've Got Nerve, the podcast that teaches you how to conquer your fears, upgrade your mindset, and get the nerve to go after whatever you want. If you wish you had the guts to go all in on your goals, dreams, and desires, this show is for you. I'm Master Certified Life Coach, Susan Hyatt, and I am so excited for you to join me on this journey.
Welcome to You've Got Nerve. Today's guest is Beth, and Beth is trying to get up the nerve to transition from a lucrative 10-year career as a DEI consultant to becoming a coach who helps women get unstuck. Now, Beth has books, she has experience, she has a TEDx Talk, but what she doesn't yet know is that she's worth her new dream and her new goals. If you've ever struggled with taking the leap on recreating yourself, this episode is for you. I hope you enjoy being a cute little fly on a wall listening to this coaching session.
Okay, welcome to You've Got Nerve, Beth. I am so delighted to be here with you, and I want to know what you're trying to get up the nerve to do.

Beth Ruffin:
Yes, so I'm trying to get up the nerve to start helping people in a different way than I have been before.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay, tell me about how you have been helping people and what you're moving to or want to move to.

Beth Ruffin:
My business focus is around diversity, equity, and inclusion. For the past few years, I've been helping leaders learn how to include others.

Susan Hyatt:
Mm-hmm. Yes?

Beth Ruffin:
But my passion is really around helping women learn how to include themselves.

Susan Hyatt:
Hello, okay, this is it right here. This is good. So, what's the trickiest part about getting up the nerve to make that transition? What's going on in your head?

Beth Ruffin:
Because I am known for helping people learn how to include others, I've been doing that for the past decade, that's what I'm known for, that's what my business has been, I know how to make money doing that.

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Beth Ruffin:
I don't know how to do it the other way around.

Susan Hyatt:
What gave you the brave idea to want to do it in the first place? How did you come to discover that you want to make this transition?

Beth Ruffin:
Well, because while I love the work that I do, what I realize is that it still puts a lot of the control in the hands of the people that are in charge. As an organizational leader, if I'm telling, "You need to learn how to include. You need to learn how to be more equitable," it's still giving them all the power. And so I'm like, "There's another piece of this, there's another part of this where I can now start teaching women, 'Hey, don't wait around to be included. Learn how to do this for yourself.'"

Susan Hyatt:
I love this so much because what you're saying is so true. A lot of the work that I do is similar. If we wait around for culture at large, for the people in our household, for our bosses at our jobs to treat us in a way that we want to be treated and our happiness depending on that, we're sunk. It's great when they do, but we have to be able to say, "Oh, okay, there's this invisible workload happening, or there's a big pay gap here or there's whatever it is and how can I advocate for myself within myself first-

Beth Ruffin:
That's right.

Susan Hyatt:
... is beautiful." You're known for this other work that's very exciting. Helping people with transitions like this gets me so excited. It makes my feet sweat. I have these beautiful heels on and my feet are sweaty thinking about helping you do this. What do you imagine... Well, let me ask you this, do people already know that you're thinking about this transition?

Beth Ruffin:
No. Probably not. The people on my team know, some close confidants of mine know, but not the general public.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. In order for you to come out with it, what needs to happen in your mind?

Beth Ruffin:
I need to have this clearly outlined. I need to know what does it look like, what is the offer, how do people work with me, and how can I replace the income that I'm currently making through teaching diversity to others.

Susan Hyatt:
Have you ever made a business transition before in your life?

Beth Ruffin:
No.

Susan Hyatt:
Oh, this is the first time, okay?

Beth Ruffin:
This is the first time.

Susan Hyatt:
Well, here's the great news, the great news is that when your soul, your essential self, your future self is pulling you into this direction, you really have no choice. You're either going to stay where you are and feel a certain kind of way about settling, even though it's great work, or you're going to pick, which I hope you do, the path of, "Let me see how to pull this off because I think this is where I'm supposed to go." The great news is that you can create a transition plan that feels practical and aligned so that it's not one day you're this DEI consultant highly paid and the next day you're this broke new entrepreneur again who's trying to push a boulder up a hill. You can actually create what you want in a way that feels like you have a solid vision, you have a solid plan, and you know exactly what problem it is that you're solving and how you're going to solve it. When you imagine working with women to help them include themselves, what's the most exciting piece of that to you?

Beth Ruffin:
I see women getting unstuck, right, because I think that's what I do in everything, even with what I'm currently teaching. But I see women getting unstuck, right? I see them asking for raises, applying for promotions, right? I see them walking away from situations that no longer serve them, starting businesses. So whatever that piece is that they're stuck, I'm excited to see them just break free of those chains that most likely are self-imposed chains.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay, so later, I want you to go watch this back because you've got self-imposed chains. Like the advice, what you're giving to your client, I'm like, "Oh, you're talking about you." Perfect. That's what we do. So when you think about helping a woman get unstuck and she's breaking free of these self-imposed chains and she's doing the thing, no matter what it is, when you think about helping someone become unstuck, what is the way you imagine you'll facilitate that?

Beth Ruffin:
Through coaching, so through some either individual or group coaching where there's some discovery that they are coming upon, but also that they're receiving practical tools that they can use through this process.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. So either one-on-one or group coaching. Beautiful. When you imagine yourself doing that, like going through a regular everyday Beth as the unstuck coach or whatever we're going to call you, do you imagine doing this from home or in a home office or in a brick-and-mortar office somewhere else?

Beth Ruffin:
I haven't thought that far. Right now I'm in a home office.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. So maybe a home office, working with people on Zoom or phone. Do you imagine getting together with them in person anytime?

Beth Ruffin:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay.

Beth Ruffin:
Absolutely.

Susan Hyatt:
Events or retreats, or what are you thinking?

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah, all of that.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. So, so far we have I help women get unstuck and learn how to include themselves. It's going to have one-on-one coaching, group coaching, some live event or retreat component. Do you know how much money you want to make?

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah. I mean, I'd like to have a seven figure business.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. What do you think needs to happen to transition from DEI to this new business and create a seven figure business? What do you think needs to happen internally for you?

Beth Ruffin:
I need to believe that it's possible.

Susan Hyatt:
Do you know anyone who does the kind of work that you want to do?

Beth Ruffin:
I mean, you do it.

Susan Hyatt:
Yes, I do. I do do it, and from a home office even. Yeah, there are lots of examples of coaches in the world who are helping women get unstuck and doing those things. What do you need to believe about yourself to create that possibility?

Beth Ruffin:
That I'm worth it and that the advice and the help that I have to offer is worth it.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah. So that you are worth it, so where did that come from? Because that was quick, "I need to believe I'm worth it."

Beth Ruffin:
Because I know that that's the hold up. I know when I think about the work I currently do, I am an expert in this. I know where an organization is. I can tell them how to get from step A to step B to step C. And I have proven that time and time again. But with this other piece, I don't have a lot of success stories yet. I'm still working through that process. I do compare myself a lot. So I may look at people who are already in this business, already making seven or eight figures, and I may say, "Well, who are you to feel like you can give this advice to others?"

Susan Hyatt:
You know, just hearing you talk through that, I'm always reminded when I have a client saying these things, almost all humans who are starting something new like this, it'll really trigger our compare and despair stuff. I remember when I was a new coach, and I originally was trained by Dr. Martha Beck. She has written so many bestselling self-help books, and they're all brilliant. I remember being like, "Why don't they just buy Martha's books? Even learning from her, who am I to think that I could have any kind of impact or people would listen to anything I have to say when they could just go read her books or just go to her?"
I did the same thing, Beth, and I will never forget what she told me, which is a new belief I would like to invite you to entertain. She said, "Listen, Susan, all of us have clients that were meant to serve no matter what. There are people who will read my books or see me on TV or take my trainings, whatever, and for whatever reason, the way that I deliver... Because none of this stuff is new, all of these concepts. I mean they've morphed and we put our own spin on them. But she's like, "For whatever reason, the way that I teach it may not be the way the person needs to learn it the way you say it in your style and the way that you deliver it. You're meant to serve certain clients that I'll never get to."
I'll never forget that because it was like, "Oh right, it's physically impossible for these other coaches that you see online making seven and eight figures, it is an impossibility that they could serve everyone. They're not supposed to. Beth is supposed to serve a certain number of clients." And so, I guess then the question becomes, are you open to the possibility that you're meant to serve a certain segment of women? It looks like-

Beth Ruffin:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
I'm looking at your face and you're like, "Yep." Okay. And so, if that's the case, who are they and what is it that you bring to this unstuck work that's for them?

Beth Ruffin:
I envision women of color who are very motivated, considered high potential, who struggle with imposter syndrome, either self-imposed or because of the obstacles that they faced in their life, in their career. The people that are usually drawn to me, they're so special. They are so just wonderful, but they don't realize it.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah.

Beth Ruffin:
I see myself helping them realize their greatness.

Susan Hyatt:
That's beautiful the way that your face lit up when you talked about how special they were, how wonderful they are, and they just don't realize it. And then what is it that you Beth think you bring to the coaching work, the facilitation of unstuckness that might be special?

Beth Ruffin:
That's what I need help with. What I know is unique about me as a person is the empathy that I have. I'm able to see and hear the unspoken. But I don't know... I mean, I feel like all coaches have that.

Susan Hyatt:
Well, it's interesting because empathy is a fabulous value skill, quality for a coach to have, but all coaches don't have it. We tend to think that. Whatever our gifts and talents are, it's so common for us to diminish those by thinking, "Oh, well all coaches have that." And that's actually not true. I actually know coaches, they may have the ability to be empathetic, but what they bring to the coaching relationship is much more of a no-nonsense, commanding, brass knuckles presence. Listen, there's a coach for everybody, right. The clients that need Beth will appreciate the empathy that you bring. But I imagine there's an interesting swirl of empathy and what else?

Beth Ruffin:
Safe space.

Susan Hyatt:
Safety, okay. Is there something about the way that you create safe space or deliver empathy or that you are with them that is also an interesting quality?

Beth Ruffin:
Well, I mean, I embody inclusion. I pride myself on being inclusive, right?

Susan Hyatt:
Right.

Beth Ruffin:
And so I am going to interact with you in a way that makes you feel like you belong.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah.

Beth Ruffin:
And-

Susan Hyatt:
And that is unique. Continue. Sorry, I interrupted you.

Beth Ruffin:
Oh, no worries. I was just going to say I think that's what sets me apart. I know with the work that I currently do, like you said, there are people who are no-nonsense, this is the business of it, but I have a lot of grace, right? Like, it's okay to make mistakes. I tell people, "If you're going to make mistakes, make it with me. And then let's get you on tracks so that you're not making those mistakes with others." And so, I think there is a level of inclusion, of safety, of comfort when working with me.

Susan Hyatt:
That's a beautiful start to understanding what it is that you bring to the coaching relationship. I think that that can help when you're thinking about, "Well, I need to believe that it's possible," it's understanding that there are people that you're meant to serve and then also understanding what it is that you bring that's so needed. I've had the pleasure of working with, collaborating with, training thousands of coaches. And so, I've had the pleasure of working with all different kinds of coaches. And not just what the problem they help solve, but also helping them see, like, "This is what you bring to coaching that is so fantastic." And that can help inform their marketing, the way they talk about what they do. When you said, "Of course, I love body inclusiveness," and when you think about that combination of empathy, safe space, inclusivity, what's something about your personality that's just part of who you are that you bring to it?

Beth Ruffin:
I laugh because I get on my daughter's nerves all the time because I've never met a stranger. So I will meet someone in the elevator, and by the time we've gone up five floors, they've told me something personal about themselves. We're friends, we've followed each other on social media, so I can make connections very easily.

Susan Hyatt:
Right, so making connections and being a connector, that's all beautiful. Side note, you and my husband would get along brilliantly. I'm always having to say to him, "Listen, I'm not making new friends on this trip, okay. I don't care who you met at the buffet line. We are on vacation together." But he is so funny. We were at the lake on a trip, just the two of us, and in the water... This man is like a hundred yards from the next boat, and he makes friends with the next boat somehow. I'm like, "You know what?"
But anyway, I love that about him and know exactly what you're talking about. People who make friends and can talk with anyone, that makes for an excellent coach. It also makes for an excellent marketer. So if you are talking about what it is that you do, you help women get unstuck so that they can fill in the blank, do a million things when they include themselves. I would go so far as to say I've spent a decade helping corporations understand what needs to happen. And through that work, that has led me to know that there's no greater thing than helping the individual include themselves. What I bring to this process is a safe space, inclusivity, empathy, and results.

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
I actually want to encourage you to make a list, and you may already have this, but look at the testimonials you have from businesses from corporate America and imagine what went into all the dozens of individuals or corporate leaders you had to work with to create those results for a massive organization, how that has just refined your ability to take an individual and go, "Listen, I've moved the needle for Pepsi or whoever. I have had an impact in this way. I can certainly look at those chains that you've created and help you free yourself from those."

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah. I didn't even think about the results piece. Maybe that's a practice that I just have to build that muscle up of.

Susan Hyatt:
Well, and I think that we do tend to discount. So this company is 15 and a half years old now, I guess, but prior to starting this company, I worked in residential real estate. I remember when I left real estate, when I transitioned out of that and into this, I had a lot of the same fears that you have. But I was really discounting what real estate had given me and what I had given real estate. I had to go back and go, "Oh, all of these things led me to be able to handle all of these new things." I learned how to be in business for myself. I'm sure, you know realtors, realtors are not afraid to say they will find you a house. Right?

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
I learned how to promote myself in a really interesting way in real estate. But not only that, the work that I did with clients and the results that I got clients in that space, the only reason I even ever liked real estate at that point was I loved helping people get what they wanted. And that thread carried through into coaching like, "What is it you want? Let me go help you get this." I would really also just encourage you to do that with case study after case study of your DEI corporate clients, and then think about that result on an individual level what that might look like. I think it's so compelling, the way that you already talked about it, is that I help businesses become more inclusive, and what I learned is that real change happens when you learn how to be inclusive within yourself, of yourself, of your goals and desires and dreams.

Beth Ruffin:
I love that.

Susan Hyatt:
It's beautiful work.

Beth Ruffin:
I love that.

Susan Hyatt:
Do you have a timeline in your mind of when you would like to begin this transition?

Beth Ruffin:
Yesterday.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay, you're like, "Can we fast forward please?" Okay, so if you want to get started, have you done any work yet on creating new packages, programs you have?

Beth Ruffin:
I am working on that now. I'm actually working with a friend of mine who is helping me figure out what the process looks like, figure out what results will look like and will give me testimonial. I'm kind of in that research phase because I don't want to say, "Hey, I'll help you and we'll figure it out when you sign up." I want to have all of that outlined in advance.

Susan Hyatt:
Yeah, like the client journey. That's fun. Okay. So what timeline do you want to give yourself to have that sorted and to start inviting people to work with you?

Beth Ruffin:
I think the start of next year would be good.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay, so that's perfect. So really six months. Are you imagining that you will continue with your DEI clients until such time as your new venture is full time?

Beth Ruffin:
Yes.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay, great. I was going to say, I think everybody's wired differently... or not I think, I know people are wired differently for risk. I always joke that I'm risky with my mouth, but don't ask me to jump out of an airplane, okay? Some folks, even in emotional risk or financial risk, everybody's wired differently. And I fall in the middle where I like to have a plan. Six months is a great amount of time to get your ducks in a row and then to gradually let your DEI work fund this new startup. I think one thing, just advice giving, would be to have in your mind the amount of money or the number of clients or both that you would need to have in order for you to decide that the transition has happened.
I am a full-time coach helping women get unstuck. I'm going to phase out these DEI contracts. Or maybe not. Maybe there's a world where there's a little bit of that left, but at some point... For me, I'm old school. I like a written planner. And I would write at the top of my planner every day how many clients I needed to be full time. And over time, I suddenly built up to this amount and it was like freedom to say like, "Wow, okay, I'm out of real estate." I'm still actually in real estate, but more as an investor now. I'm not out showing houses and doing open houses and those things. So that never fully left me either even though I thought I would never do anything where real estate is involved again. So it's just interesting to think about how do I want to set myself up for this transition and then what? My question is, what's the number one supportive belief surrounding this I'm worth it theme that you want to adopt during this next six months?

Beth Ruffin:
There are people who need me, and I have valuable things to teach and coach.

Susan Hyatt:
Yes, you do. Do you have anybody in mind when you think about that? Can you think of somebody? Maybe they're not a current client, maybe you spotted them and you're thinking, "Oh my gosh, this person needs me." What kind of things are going on in her life?

Beth Ruffin:
New position, so promoted to a new leadership role, is dealing with new people on the team and new responsibilities that they've not had before, and is a little unsure about if they can handle it.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. So this person has a new position, they're unsure if they can handle it. What kind of things is she doing when she's like, "I don't know if I'm cut out for this."? Is she overeating, overdrinking, overshopping, messing up her relationships? What's going on?

Beth Ruffin:
Well, one thing I know is being slow to make decisions, so it's impacting that.

Susan Hyatt:
Whew. Yeah. That's painful.

Beth Ruffin:
That's the first thing I think of.

Susan Hyatt:
So she's agonizing over decisions, fretting. I can picture her. So here's my challenge to you, don't leave her stuffing donuts in her face in that team lunch hall. You have to show up for her because that's the work you're meant to do.

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah. I can't be overthinking it while she's overthinking it because then neither of us are served.

Susan Hyatt:
And slow to make a decision.

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
Right. It sounds like you've decided.

Beth Ruffin:
Yes, I have decided.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay.

Beth Ruffin:
But-
And you're... Go ahead.
I was going to say you should know that, I mean, this is something I've been thinking about for three years.

Susan Hyatt:
Okay. So you have six months now.

Beth Ruffin:
Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:
Six months, and it's go time. The swirl of empathy and safe space and inclusivity deserve this transition plan, and you deserve this transition plan. You deserve to do work that's rewarding, thoroughly.

Beth Ruffin:
I love that. I've been feeling some burnout lately. As you can imagine, talking to people all day about why they should include people who look like me and getting pushback or, "I need your credentials. I need you to explain why this is worth the money," this is work that is really draining when you look like the people that you are trying to advocate for. And so, when I envision myself sitting across the table from someone who looks like me and being able to say, "You are worth this raise. Let's have a conversation about how you can go and have that conversation with your manager," that would fill me so much more. I can see it. I like that I deserve to do work that's fulfilling.

Susan Hyatt:
Let me tell you how you just lit up the screen by painting that picture for me. I teared up. Let me tell you, you deserve to be filled with that kind of passion and not drained. Okay, you've done your time there, you've made an impact there, and now you're going to go empower women to advocate for themselves.

Beth Ruffin:
I love it.

Susan Hyatt:
Thank you so much for being here. Will you give us an update in six months? Can I come knock on your virtual door and say, "Hey."?

Beth Ruffin:
Yes. I need the accountability.

Susan Hyatt:
Thank you so much for watching and listening to today's episode of You've Got Nerve. I hope this episode has inspired you to get the courage and confidence to go after everything you want. And listen, if you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you're listening. Your reviews really mean the world to me. And when you review the podcast, we have the potential to reach even more people who want to get up the nerve to create what they crave and become unstoppable.
Is there something you need to get the nerve to do? The first step is saying yes to yourself, yes to what you want, and yes to whatever it is you crave. Listen, everything I just talked about with Beth, I help people do in the Beyond Mastermind. If you're interested in being in a six month mastermind where it's me a couple times a month coaching you on your goals and your dreams with 15 other amazing women, plus a weekend retreat in Savannah, Georgia, check out the application in the show notes. We are forming the Beyond Mastermind to go beyond.
Excited for the next episode of You've Got Nerve but don't want to wait a whole week? Get motivational texts from me to help you gain more courage and confidence in your life. Just text me at 812-408-1823. And if you've got a question for me, we're adding some special Q&A episodes of You've Got Nerve in the near future, and we're looking for listeners to participate. You can send a voice message of your question by visiting youvegotnervepodcast.com. That's all for today's episode of You've Got Nerve. Now it's time to go and get what you want, more confidence, more money, more energy, more pleasure. Go after your goals like never before because you've got the nerve.