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Kindness is Badass

Hey there, reader, 

Years ago, I hired a woman to help me with my business. In the first few weeks of working together, she noticed a post I made on social media about being a “badass.” I proudly post about my badassery because I believe the world deserves to know when women feel that way. It’s important for women to share their victories publicly because we are often taught to be “humble” and not talk about ourselves too much. 

The woman I hired promptly messaged me after reading my post, writing: 

“You are NOT a badass. You are far too nice to be considered a badass. Now, X is a badass.”

There’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s begin with person X. 

X is someone I know peripherally—not someone I’d consider a peer, just someone I’ve scrolled past online.  The reason I scrolled past this person? Because they participate in what I call “Shame Profits.” 

Shame Profits are when women weaponize shame against other women and whip that into a profitable brand. Basically, it’s a lucrative way to make money as a mean girl. 

And y’all, I’m not here for it. 

What I AM here for is standing up for what you believe in and making a scene. But we don’t need to tear down other women to accomplish that. 

We can do it through kindness. Kindness is badass.

You can be kind AND brave. Kind AND outspoken. Kind AND innovative.

What does kindness look like? How can you remain kind and get your point across? What about when people behave inappropriately or commit injustice? 

Being “kind” does not mean you have to shrink down or lace every word with 20 coats of sugar. 

Kindness is standing in your power, calmly and firmly, speaking clearly and directly. 

Kindness is not punching down on people, hurling insults, and attempting to destroy someone’s livelihood. 

Let’s say you witness another Coach do something that you don’t agree with, believing this Coach is coming off kind of “scammy.” You could center yourself, reach out directly, and let the Coach know: “That was inappropriate. Here’s why. Here’s a resource to learn more.” THAT is kind and effective. You aren’t sugarcoating the situation, you’re being direct and offering helpful resources. 

The unkind way to approach this? Not reaching out and instead posting a scathing, public takedown piece calling all Coaches “scam artists.” That isn’t kind, but more importantly, it’s not helpful or effective. It’s shaming an individual and then making their mistakes/behavior responsible for an entire industry. It’s attempting to cancel a woman-dominated profession that deeply helps many women clients. It’s internalized misogyny at its finest.

That’s the opposite of “badass.” 

Listen, I want you to use your power, use your voice, and make a scene. Yes, yes, yes. 

There are obviously times when kindness is just not gonna cut it. For example, I would never suggest tone policing a woman of color for speaking out on racial injustice. Hell f*cking no. 

We live in a society that holds women to impossible standards of perfection and then viciously tears them down when they fail to meet these unreachable standards. 

If you’re reading this blog I suspect you’re a kind person. You don’t want to participate in shame profits, get swept up in gossip and bullying, or post “hot takes” that you’ll later regret. 
Choose kindness.

Be the badass I know you can be.

xoxo, Susan

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